I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
