I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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