I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize