sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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