sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
