you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
