im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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