I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
