I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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