yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
