Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize