Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
