My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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