drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
