is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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