Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
