I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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