My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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