Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
