The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize