She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The uberlube is also flammable
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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