it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
