Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize