idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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