My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
