dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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