If i come over, it means nothing
youre lurking in front of me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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