just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
