i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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