how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
