Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
