when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
