i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
