Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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