do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
