I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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