my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
