your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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