I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
