nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
