One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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