This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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