i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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