He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
