she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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