And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
