I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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