butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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