someone get that fucking seahorse.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
