12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
