my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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