he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
