Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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