I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
