I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize