omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
