I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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