he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
