Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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