I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
