i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
