so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
