At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
