I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
