i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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