It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
