Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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