what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
