if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
