so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
