explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
