You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
