My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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