The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize