she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Boobs are out for the taking
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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