...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
